Socialization: a bane or a boon! Excerpt from a typical weekend

"Ring Ring....Ring Ring...," my cellphone beeped.

"Who the hell is calling me at 6.30 am in a saturday morning?"

After groping almost half of the area of my bed with eyes closed I managed to find my cell phone. "Hello", I murmured.

"Hey, how are you dude?" An ecstatic male voice replied from the other side.

But that ecstatic voice couldn't bring an iota of ecstasy in me. " I aaam f..i..n..e, who is this?" I struggled to reply.

"Well, guess who am I?" He replied.

How the hell people get the idea to give a surprise by calling at 6.30 am in a saturday morning? What kind of pleasure it can offer to someone? I seriously don't know.

"Sorry, your no is not stored in my cell and I can't recognize your voice. Please tell me who are you?" I responded, this time bit firmly.

"Well, let me give you some clue," the answer came from other side followed by a chuckle .

Now he wants me to play a trial and error! That's great! The saturday morning blue! I lost patience.

And I almost shouted. "Abbe tell me who are you. I'm not going to guess anything."

Probably that shout worked as I didn't have to go through that trial and error guessing game. I got the prompt response.

"Don't be angry dude. This is Jay. Last we met in bangalore almost an year back. Now I'm in your town. Lets catch up today over lunch and beer. What u saÿ?"

Holy shit! I just returned last midnight from a week long hectic official tour. Needless to say no evening was spent without beer and very little sleep throughout the week. I was just tired. When I hit the bed last night, I had a plan to sleep 14 hours at a stretch, take lunch and hit the bed again.

For a moment I thought to give reply a naked "No". But the very next moment I decided to handle the issue bit politely, by virtue of being a social creature.

"Can't you make it tomorrow? Actually I'm very tired today."-was my polite submission to him ( I could have given an excuse of not being well very easily though!).

Jay almost shouted. "C'mmon, I'm in your town. This is saturday and you are making excuses! You are changed dude. Dost ko bhul gaya?"

What could I say more? Surrendering to the very expected banality of my friend cum ex-classmate, I agreed to have a luncheon with beer on the very same day. " Ok. Ok. No problem. Where are you staying? Where should we meet? Is MG Road fine for you? Then come to The Zodiac. Ok?"

"No Problem dear. I'll be there at 1pm in the afternoon", Jay replied.

" Ok. See you there", I sighed and hung on.

I hit the bed once again.

1 pm in the afternoon. We met and our beer session (with little food) started. From beer, it went on to more beer and to more and more beer till we got tired and stomach didn't permit to consume more. Needless to say, in this 4 hours session, our discussion was very much diversified. It revolved seamlessly from classroom to late night boozing to roof-top parties to ogling at skimpily dressed girls to kharush boss in office and beautiful receptioninst and so on.

Was I happy with this afternoon? The answer would be "definitely not". Though what hapened was refreshing for mind but it was equally tiring for body. "No problem, tommorrow is sunday and I would take rest for the whole day", I consoled myself.

Behaving like a host, I paid the bill, bade good-bye to my friend and took the cab to home. My bed was calling me.

Infact, after I reached home and embraced my bed, with it was drizzling outside and Jagjit Singh playing on, I didn't feel that bad. Probably the thought of next day a holiday felt me poised !

I fall asleep happily !

Next day, I woke up at 11 am with eyes still without a wish to see light. I had some bread and jam and lazily sat in my arm-chair with the newspaper. Though I was trying hard to concentrate on the newspaper, my mind was busy thinking whether I should prepare lunch or ask for a home delivery.

Well, I decided to prepare rice, dal and omelette. I was scared of outside spicey food.

By then, it stopped drizzling outside but the weather was just awesome. I concentrated on the news paper. 

My cellphone beeped again. This time it's Vicky, a friend from my town only. I picked up the phone and said "hello".

" Hey, what's up? Haven't seen you online since last few days. Are you in town?" He inquired.

" Actually I was traveling and reached here friday night only ", I clarified.

And I heard his cheerful and lyrical expression. " Badiya hai. Mausam mastana hai, Dil beyman hai, Kya khayal hai! Shaam rangeen karde?" 

Fuck Fuck Fuck ! It meant again beer and more beer. " No No. I'm too tired. I need to take rest at home", I almost shouted.

" C'mmn. Last time also you gave excuse of office work. This time we are surely meeting with Sharma also joining us. Believe me, one pitcher of beer will take all your tiredness away. Will  see you at 4pm at Zyng pub", all Vicky said without any gap.

I surrendered again. Fuck! I should have anticipated the motive of the call. Or I should have replied firmly with a "No". Why the hell I couldn't say a No. My plan of starting the new classic got postponed for another few days. Oh God, I'm screwed up again. 

I'm not going to the detail of this afternoon rendezvous. It was almost same as the previous day one. I was left more exhausted physically and was thinking of taking a day leave on Monday.

Take away:

There are some disadvantages of too much socialization also. It snatches your own time.

If you can't say "No" upfront sometimes to your friends and family, you are screwed up.

If you can't say "No", give some false excuse and that should sound real enough.

P.S: This is the fact of almost every weekend of me.

        I'm not against beer !

The Wall

The wall devilishly grey,

I made it myself; so strong, so high

Neither could I break nor could I fly

Not a wall of brick or stone

Made of intangibles

Fear, despair, angst

Left me cloaked

in a darkness infinite 

 

I perish here of

desolation,not

stronger enough to

shatter the wall, and let

the light shower my soul.

 

The soul craves for

the hallowed ray, for

someone to crush the

wall into dust, 

set me free,

show me the light.

A Moment......

When the twinkling star teased at our silence

When the firefly silently approved our presence

When we got drenched in a flood of moonlight

When the cliff on the horizon shined bright

When your hair began to dance with cool breeze

When you spoke only with your eyes

When the time stopped moving

When there was no tomorrow, only the moment was prevailing

Be it a moment, so what?

Cherished it, from core of the heart!

A tryst pampered by kind nature

A wink, a smile, a touch, a whisper,

And a moment to remember

A moment.....

That leaves an everlasting impression

A moment......

That doesn't come along very often.

Savior

In everyone's life there are one or more people who come as savior. They understood you, helped you, guided you, saved you from predicament and then gradually disappeared. Sometimes they do it of their own will; but most of the time we only forget them and push them into oblivion. They save you in many ways you can be saved. They extend their hands selflessly when you need them most and never ask anything in return.

Standing on the cross-road

Swept away in an opaque crowd

Or whirling aimlessly

In a neverending carousel.

Lost in a thousand ways,

Was looking for a way out

Failed attempts to fight a battle unarmed

Remained my voices unheard

Whilst lost in the darkness of daylight,

You showed a sunrise; new and bright.

Whilst running almost astray,

You showed the hope imminent in another day.

Holding your hand I stepped into the ladder

You smiled, watched me going up, my savior.

With a dream of million stars shining,

In search of rainbow, I kept on walking.

Glimpsing back in time, didn't I bother
You smiled, watched me going up, my savior.

Dream of dawn

Remember! That chilly winter night

I kept gazing at you,

Your countenance; serene yet bright.

Your eyes made a promise under the starry sky,

With the west wind blowing, to hold my hands forever.

A promise that touched my heart! 

A promise that made me cry!

I loved to be lost at your quirk,

To smile at the slope of your cheek

To dip at your thoughts umpteen

I loved you, no one else, my queen.

I loved you! And I love you

I hope you did too. Didn't you?

Our story bloomed like a flower,

Spread its fragrance, 

And withered silently in a whisper.

Though you are, no longer with me

I find you still, held in my arms, in my dream.

Dream!

Dream of dawn- fresh and vivid

Leaves me with a sweet unrest, and

A stark realization- it's just a dream

But I do hope!

I do hope my dream come true.

The dream I long

The dream of dawn!

I Surrender

""Some solitary moments in life hunt your mind with some incoherent thoughts which you can not avoid but only surrender to those. And you are left with an unbearable inner chaos.""

What am I doing?

I weep, tears don't come

I shout aloud, sound fades away

till it reaches my ear.

I surrender,

Letting my soul swim

in an ocean of absolute emptiness!

What am I thinking?

Tiring my mind

with thoughts and images, I despised most?

The moments die slowly,

Left me devoid of any inner silence.

I surrender,

Indulging myself in a sphere of

unbearable seclusion!

Insomnia

Slow night, so long,

Sleep ceases to befriend

Eyes closed, I'm asleep,

I do pretend.

 

Ticking of the clock,

Hissing of my breath,

assault my ears

without any break.

 

Taunting of the pillows,

Haunting of the thoughts,

leave me restless,

my soul battered.

 

Up above the ceiling, I stare

Left with nothing but utter despair

Can't I have a nightlong sweet slumber?

Longing for a dream surreal,

All I pray, a night without any ordeal.

The Whisper

 

 

A faint whisper,

feeble, yet sensible;

lingered gently on my ear

from the back of my shoulder.

 

Whisper,

that reminded me of my deeds of yesteryear,

truths unpleasant to hear,

sins I committed in the past,

stories unspoken to anyone.

 

Was it real, or a hallucination?

Or may be a dark premonition!

"who is this", I whimpered

No one answered, the whisper unperturbed.

I hated it to hear; hated it from my heart.

 

A peek at the back, all I wanted

I opened my eyes and saw a shadow on the wall i faced

The shadow was lurking me, made me sick

I stood up and moved my neck.

The curtain was still, in my room I was alone

A shadow was still there, this time that was Mine!

Hedonism

Wine, sparkling in a shiny blue glass;

a puff of thick curly smoke,

from the burning cigar,

Tranquil eyes, lingering on the smoke line

Half laid, half asleep

On my high back chair.

Those small little things !

Those small small little little things,

you brought me,

with love and affection,

Made my so many days.

Those little Hi and Hellos,

you uttered at odd times;

your voice full of life,

Made me wait till late at night.

Those all countless evenings,

you sat beside me at the riverbank

your whispers, your warm breath,

Made me hold your heart in mine.

Those all birthday celebrations

you were the first one to wish
your rhyme, your sing-song

Made me re-born again and again

Now though you are,
No longer there with me,

I'm lost somewhere,

Life was not so cool with me.

I sit by my window, I remember you,

I listen you, I see you, I feel you.

Echoes of your voice,

your scribbling on the wall,

your painted postcards,

your whispers,

countless converasations preciously archived,
. . . .. . . . . . .

Make me sail through my memories!